Cancer is Catching

I used to work with cancer patients and I was telling my grandma about my job. She was very concerned and asked me if I wear a mask when I am working with the patients.

Kings and Queens

My dad was telling my boyfriend about royalty in Russia.

Dad: She was the Emperator.
Boyfriend: What?
Dad: She was the King of Russia.

My Grandma is Really Mean

I was at my grandparents' house getting ready to go out. I had taken a nap earlier so I was in the bathroom fixing my hair, and putting a bit of makeup on. I come out of the bathroom and sit down at the table with my grandma.

Grandma: You're going to do your hair, right...?
Me: I just did...
Grandma: And you should really put makeup on.
Me: ...
Grandma: Oh! You have a belly, don't you!