Heisenberg

My boyfriend calls my grandpa Heisenberg, like from Breaking Bad. He's bald and generally kind of badass.

Case in point: My grandma recently told me that my grandpa hitchhikes to the liquor store to get vodka. He's 86! Badass.

MLK

This is another really horrible, horrible racist story. You have been warned.

I remember I was in high school and I wasn't going to school because it was Martin Luther King Day. My dad didn't know and asked me why I wasn't getting ready for school so I told him. To which he responds, "Oh, if more black people died, you would have more days off!"

Horrible.

Texts From Mom, Part III

Mom: Your bum was in the microwave all night. Can I throw it away?