Seattle...

Y'all. I'm moving to Seattle! I'm also telling my mom today. On my grandma's death anniversary. At the cemetery.

Will keep you posted on the outcome.

Black People

My boyfriend and I were visiting my grandma in the hospital. She didn't want any of her hospital dinner, so I was scavenging the tray. Grandma says to me in Russian that it's not a waste if she doesn't eat her hospital food because late at night, all the black people come and eat the leftovers. Then, to explain to my boyfriend who doesn't speak Russian, she turns to him and says in English, "Black people." As if that explains everything.

Hair of the Dog

This one comes to us via my brother.

He was visiting my grandma in the hospital and one of her doctors came in to see how she was doing, if she was having any chills or feeling feverish. My brother translated this to her in Russian and she replied to my brother in Russian that she had purchased some sort of thick belt made of dog hair(??) that keeps her warm. My brother just told the doctor in English that she was fine. My grandma nodded and said to the doctor in English, "I have dog hair," while pointing to her stomach.

It's All About the Benjamins

My grandma is in the hospital. She was diagnosed with leukemia, which is terrible and very sad news. I've been spending a lot of time with her, so many of the next posts will be about her. In no way does me poking fun at her diminish how I feel about her diagnosis.

We were talking about how nobody in my family is a doctor, and I was reminding my grandma that my sisterinlaw is a pharmacist, which is as close to a doctor as anyone in my family is going to get. My grandma was saying that my brother and I should have both gone into medicine. (My brother is head of IT and I am currently a bank teller.) I explained that neither of us was interested in that, and my boyfriend kindly added that we are both happy, so why should it matter. To which grandma responds with something like, "Well, you won't be millionaires, but I guess at least you'll have jobs."

Cancer is Catching

I used to work with cancer patients and I was telling my grandma about my job. She was very concerned and asked me if I wear a mask when I am working with the patients.

My Grandma is Really Mean

I was at my grandparents' house getting ready to go out. I had taken a nap earlier so I was in the bathroom fixing my hair, and putting a bit of makeup on. I come out of the bathroom and sit down at the table with my grandma.

Grandma: You're going to do your hair, right...?
Me: I just did...
Grandma: And you should really put makeup on.
Me: ...
Grandma: Oh! You have a belly, don't you!

If Only...

One of my good friends was getting married and I was telling my grandma about the dress I was going to wear to the wedding. The women in my family get very excited about verbal explanations of clothing. The dress was just barely above the knee, but my grandma deemed it slutty and said I should wear a floor-length dress to a wedding.

I wore my "slutty" dress and later showed my grandma photos of me at the wedding. Grandma told me that I looked very beautiful, but if only I did the things they wanted me to everything would be ok. Those things would be: get a high-paying job, a rich husband, a huge house, a nice car, and a couple kids.

Grandma: 2, me: 0

Unemployment Benefits

Last year I got laid off from my job. It wasn't just me, most of the company was laid off at the same time. I went to the unemployment office to file for benefits and since my grandparents live close by, I went to visit them to tell them the news. When I told grandma what happened she said "Good, I'm very glad. Maybe now you will make something of yourself."

Australia = Antarctica?

My grandma recently found out that I want to travel to Australia (thanks a lot mom). She generally gets concerned when a family member flies anywhere, so she was especially concerned about such a long flight. She called me to express her disapproval and here is our conversation:

Grandma: I hear you want to go to Australia.
Me: Yea.
Grandma: It is really cold there.
Me: Great, I love the cold.
Grandma: No you don't. There's a frost.
Me: I think it's ok there.
Grandma: No, it's really, REALLY cold!
Etc.

I'm thinking that grandma thought I wanted to travel to Antarctica. I wouldn't be surprised.