It's All About the Benjamins

My grandma is in the hospital. She was diagnosed with leukemia, which is terrible and very sad news. I've been spending a lot of time with her, so many of the next posts will be about her. In no way does me poking fun at her diminish how I feel about her diagnosis.

We were talking about how nobody in my family is a doctor, and I was reminding my grandma that my sisterinlaw is a pharmacist, which is as close to a doctor as anyone in my family is going to get. My grandma was saying that my brother and I should have both gone into medicine. (My brother is head of IT and I am currently a bank teller.) I explained that neither of us was interested in that, and my boyfriend kindly added that we are both happy, so why should it matter. To which grandma responds with something like, "Well, you won't be millionaires, but I guess at least you'll have jobs."

Texts From Mom, Part VI

Mom: K. Love. Have a day full of magic!!:)))

Who taught her that? Did she come up with it on her own?? Double chin emoticon??

Texts From Mom, Part V

Mom: B

Mac & Cheese

I was telling my mom how stressed out I have been recently, about money, about work, and even about small things like having to take my car to the shop and neglecting grocery shopping. I told her that I was getting frequent heartburn from my stress.

Later in the conversation, she asked me if I had dinner, and I told her I had mac & cheese. To which she replies, "well of course you've been having heartburn, eating like that!"

Freeck Out

My mom emailed me: Pop said that that I'm a freeck. I was torching mi phone
yesterday. Thank god we have a connection.

I forwarded it to my brother, asking what it meant and received this response: no idea - neither of them can spell

Election Time

Another election year, another national travesty. I don't mean the possibility that Mitt Romney will win, I mean the way in which my family votes.

Last night my parents and I were looking through the propositions and discussing them. They mentioned that my grandparents will be voting too. I asked who they will be voting for, to which I received a vehement "Romney of course!" Why Romney? Well, Obama is trying to make the country socialist, which is what we escaped from in the USSR. I asked them if they felt like the country was socialist at this point, given that Obama has already been in office for 4 years. No, but it's a little closer. I asked if they felt that if Obama were given 4 more years, would our country be socialist, just like the USSR, at the end of his second term? No, but closer. And which socialist policies are you concerned about? Healthcare. I'm a healthy 26 year old woman, paying nearly $200 a month for individual health insurance. Do you think that's all right? No. How was healthcare in the USSR? It was good, it was free. Exactly.

Also, my dad was voting for people based on how Jewish their names sounded.

-Update-
My brother isn't voting because "voting doesn't matter in California since the Electoral College just does whatever they want to anyway."

Family Circus

So my cousin (mom's cousin) got married! The wedding was pretty fun. My boyfriend got hit on by not 1 but 2 drunk women. Her side of the family, not mine. The best (worst?) part was the speech my cousin's sister gave. She was officiating the wedding and as an officiant, she said a few words about the couple. Here is part of her speech. I tried to get it as close to the original as I could remember.

When my brother told me he was getting married I was very excited. I asked him what kind of wedding he wanted and he said traditional. I thought to myself, traditional? Let's look at the facts. A 40 year old Jew marrying a pregnant 26 year old Catholic girl in a Russian nightclub? We're one juggling midget away from a circus act!

I mean, she's right, but given the context it was just shocking and kind of sad.