Babydoll

I also wanted a babydoll dress in elementary school. All the cool kids had them. I begged my mom for one (I guess I did ask for specific clothing...), and she said that it's too American, so she got me something similar to this instead. In orange. With shoulder pads.

It's a Ver-sayce

Remember when PacSun t-shirts were all the rage? I wanted one so I could be cool like all my American friends. We went clothes shopping, and I never asked my parents for specific clothing, but I asked my mom if I could get a t-shirt. She said that I couldn't because it was too expensive (~$20) and they were out of money. The next store we went into was the Versace store and my mom bought a $1,000 dress. I will never forgive her for that.

No Means No

The things I've wanted to do that my family said no to:

1. "I want to learn how to DJ"

No, you're not black.

2. "I want to play hockey"

No, girls don't play hockey.

3. "I want to tap dance"

No, you're not a child or a black man.

I see a pattern...

Wine Trumps Reason

My parents are voting for Donald Trump because he says things other candidates are too scared to say.

Also, my dad slapped my butt and my mom said it's ok because he had a glass of wine.

Texts From Mom, Part IX

Mom: Hi Dochenka [Russian diminutive for daughter]. All night you and I were trucking the spy.

Bootleg

This is probably going to be my whiniest post ever.

My parents would always get me some weird knockoff gifts instead of what I wanted. I asked for a black LG Chocolate phone, I got a red one because it was cheaper. I asked for an American Doll, I got some creepy cheap-ass doll. I asked for a Barbie....99 cent store doll.

Life is so hard. #whitewhine

Texts From Mom, Part VIII

Mom: I'm listening to pitbul on pandora. Thank you so much.
Me: Hahahhah you like Pitbull?
Mom: Yea. He's very original.