If Only...

One of my good friends was getting married and I was telling my grandma about the dress I was going to wear to the wedding. The women in my family get very excited about verbal explanations of clothing. The dress was just barely above the knee, but my grandma deemed it slutty and said I should wear a floor-length dress to a wedding.

I wore my "slutty" dress and later showed my grandma photos of me at the wedding. Grandma told me that I looked very beautiful, but if only I did the things they wanted me to everything would be ok. Those things would be: get a high-paying job, a rich husband, a huge house, a nice car, and a couple kids.

Grandma: 2, me: 0

Not Cool

I recently took a trip to Seattle and accepted some drinks from men at a bar. I told my mom and this is what she texted me:

please don't be upset. I don't think it is cool to have a drink with peopole u dont know. the offenderes look just like u and me and this r your words. u don't know what they cN put in your drink. promise u r not upset with me?