I Fuck Everyone!

My boss was really stressing me out and making me feel stupid, even though I felt that I was doing a pretty good job. I remember calling my mom for moral support. This is how the conversation went:

Mom: You need to find your power.
Me: My power?
Mom: Yes. Put on high heels and makeup. You will feel powerful.
Me: That makes sense.
Mom: Yes, and then you walk in and say "I fuck everyone!"
Me: ????

Happy Thanksgiving!

In true family form, here are some things that happened today:

1. My 1st cousin hitting on me
2. My mom: "I forgot to put jewelry on! I'm like a virgin!"
3. My aunt's mom telling me that if I get pregnant and don't want it, I just get an abortion
4. My mom telling me about when my dad had jaundice and they fed him lice from a gypsy's head

Happy Thanksgiving, from my crazy family to yours.

Gay BF(F)

When I was stage managing a play a few years back, I started dating an actor who was much older than I was. Of course, I didn't want to tell my parents about that, so I told them that some gay guy was driving me home from rehearsals (I didn't have a car at the time). Well, my parents eventually came to see the show, and they wanted to know exactly which gay guy was driving their daughter home every night. So I pointed him out, while he was talking to a female friend who was much older than he was. My mom looks at the scene for a second, turns to me and says, "Maybe not so gay...?" I realize this is probably a lot funnier with her accent, and with the knowledge that a lot of people actually thought he was gay.