Double Boiler

I was making tea so I put the electric kettle on, filled with water to the max level. My mom told me to put less water in because she doesn't like to waste water, since it's really bad for your health to re-boil water. She said that she read this somewhere, and if I wanted proof I should just google it. She then went to Yahoo, and searched "is it ok to double boil the water." The first link read "Why does boiling water twice make water poisonous?" She was very triumphant...until we actually read the article. "well, if you read it it must be true. I read somewhere that people who believe everything they read have a serious mental deficit."

Liberal Piece of Shit

My uncle is extremely vocal about being extremely conservative. We were having dinner with the family, and he starts talking about how the US should atom bomb the Middle East, getting rid of every singe Muslim person. Of course, I could not just let this go. I engaged in conversation with him for a while, with his responses being generally to the tune of, "a good Muslim is a dead Muslim." He also mentioned how liberals are all assholes and are ruining the country, and for some reason called George Clooney a "liberal piece of shit." Excellent.

Emeralds Are A Girl's Best Friend

(I'm going to pretend that a year hasn't passed since I last posted)

Thanksgiving. Always a fun time in my family. I put on one of my mom's rings that has a green faux stone. The following ensues:

Mom: The green looks beautiful on you! We will have to get you emeralds when you get married!
Me: Why do I only deserve emeralds if I get married? If you think they would look so good on me I can't get them now?
Mom (backtracking): Well you don't like wearing jewelry...
Me: Yea I do...
Mom (feeling bad): Well I gave you a ring a while ago...

Moral of the story. Girls only deserve nice jewelry if they're married. Unmarried old maids, nada.