Gorges

I went to visit my parents for dinner and my dad sent me an email the next day, saying "Thank you for coming yesterday, we enjoy it. You was so beautiful and gorges like a girl with style." But in all honesty, it was sweet and made me happy.

Texts From Mom, Part IV

Mom: Good night. See u with pop.will coock something for everyone .
Me: Cock = penis
Mom: Oy. Fu. Cook.
Me: Fu = fuck you

Guilty!

-1-
My mom is really excited because they are opening a Home Goods near her house. She asked if I would come to the opening with her and I said maybe, I would have to see my schedule. Later in the day she starts a sentence, "When you come for the opening..."

-2-
Mom is registering for an art class at the local community college.

Mom: If you have some free time tonight and want to, you can help me register.
Me: Ok...
Mom: Do you want to?
Me: No.

Of course she got very offended.

-3-
My sisterinlaw's brother just got engaged, which means that my niece and nephew will soon have another aunt. I know it's unreasonable, but it makes me very nervous that they might love her more than they love me. My mom was telling me that they ask about me all the time and are always really excited to see me, so I shouldn't be worried. I really appreciated her saying that and it made me feel a lot better. That is, until:

Mom: But you should probably try to visit them more often.
Me: Could you please not give me a guilt trip?
Mom: That is not the meaning of guilt trip!
Me: Yes, it's exactly what a guilt trip is.
Mom: I'm going to ask someone else, I don't trust you any more.

Michelle Obama

My mom sees some random black woman on TV. "Michelle Obama!"