Have a Bitchin' Hanukkah

On the first night of Hanukkah, my parents, brother and sisterinlaw, niece and nephew, and I were going to have dinner together. My nephew (5), mom (61), and I (25) were waiting for everyone else so we played a game in which my mom and I name words, and my nephew has to say a word that it rhymes with. We started off with easy words like "ball" and "cat" and progressed until I offered "kitchen." My nephew thinks for a bit, then looks to my mom for help. My mom thinks for a bit and then with a big smile screams "BITCHIN'!" obviously delighted that she had come up with a rhyming word.

Happy Hanukkah!

Kegel Exercises

I was trying to check my email on my parents' computer and this is what their browser was open to:

http://www.healthline.com/galecontent/kegel-exercises#2

Where's Cathy?

My dad was recently in the hospital. Don't worry, he's going to be ok. But one of his first days there, his catheter was really bothering him and burning. My mom and I were in the room, and we suggested that he call the nurses' station using the call button on that remote they give you. So my dad pushes the button to tell the nurse that his catheter is burning:

Nurse: May I help you?
Dad: Catheter is burns.
Nurse: Excuse me?
Dad: Catheter is burns!
Nurse: I'm sorry sir, I can't understand you.
Dad: BURNS! CATH!
Nurse: Oh, you're looking for Cathy?

Mom and I couldn't help it, we started cracking up and had to intercept to tell the nurse what was going on. We kept trying to tell him we were laughing with him, but he was still upset. Poor dad!

A Lesson in Jew Guilt

So today I got a hell of a lesson in Jew Guilt, as the title of this post suggests. My mom, dad, and I were talking about people who aren't self aware, who don't realize how what they do and say comes off to others around them. I was saying that I can be a pain sometimes, but at least I'm aware that I can be a pain. My mom was saying that my grandma (her mom) does not. We all agreed. Then I said that mom is partially aware. This is where the trouble began.

Mom: What do you mean? I know when I'm wrong!
Me: You may be aware of it, but I never know that. For example, you never apologize when you're wrong.
Mom: Who do I have to apologize to? What do I have to apologize for? For taking care of you, for buying you things, for cleaning the house, for making food?
Me: No, but there are times when you are wrong, yes?
Mom: Yes, there are times when I am wrong.
Me: And I would just appreciate it if you admitted that you were wrong during those times.
Mom: Why do I have to apologize to you?! Ok, I'm sorry for the next 100 years of wrong things I do! But were you right when you yelled at me last week? Did you apologize?
Me: We aren't talking about me now, we're talking about you. Why are you turning it on me?
Mom: Well, I want to talk about you!
Me: This is ridiculous, why can't we just have a normal conversation? You said that you do things that are wrong sometimes, and I'm just asking for you to apologize when you realize that you did or said something wrong.
Mom: I'm sorry that I'm your mother!

--more going around in circles--

Me: Oh my god, you're crazy, this is nuts, I can't talk to you, it's like talking to a 2 year old!!!
Mom: You're nuts! You're like talking to a 2 year old!

And I stormed out. Granted I probably shouldn't have yelled at her and left, but it really is impossible to talk to her sometimes. And the worst part is, doesn't she realize that in this conversation, she was doing the EXACT thing that the conversation was about?!?!